Why do victims stay? All to often this simple question is answered by the statement, "they must enjoy the abuse, or they wouldn't stay." Others may be told they "love too much" or have "low self-esteem". regardless of emotions or self-image, no one enjoys being beaten or threatened. Victims want the violence to stop, not the relationship. Furthermore, promises of change encourage victims to stay. Abusers often show remorse, showering victims with gifts and attention. Unfortunately, the remorse doesn't last but the abuse does.
Barriers to Leaving A Violent Relationship
1. Lack of Resources:
Have children
Not employed
Have no property
Unable to access cash
Fear being charged with desertion
No place to go
Face decline in living standards
Isolated from friends, family and co-workers
2. Fear of Physical Harm:
The abuser threatens violence Victims fear for the safety of their children.
Despite a P.F.A. order, there is little to prevent the abuser from returning and repeating the assault.
There are not enough shelters.
3. institutional responses:
Counselors often have the goal of saving the marriage rather than the goal of stopping the violence.
4. Fear of Physical Harm:
Victims do not believe divorce is an option.
Victims believe a violent two parent home is better than a single parent home.
Victims are taught they are responsible for making their marriage work.
Victims rationalize the abuser's behavior by blaming stress, alcohol, drugs, work, themselves, etc.
Getting Out: Escaping domestic violence is a complex problem. Both short and long term solutions must be considered. Short-term steps consist of assistance programs that protect the victim. They focus on food and shelter. Long-term steps educate the public and empower the victims to their right to a life without violence. Support can come in various forms.
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Crises Intervention Services |
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Crises Hot Lines |
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Shelters |
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Medical Services |
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Transportation Networks |
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Self help and support groups |
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Laws that allow either victims or perpetrators to be removed from the home |
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Assertiveness training |
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Self Esteem building classes |
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Parenting Skills courses |
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Legal assistance in property matters, financial support, custody, restraining and protective orders |
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Help with immigration status |
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Public assistance |
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Safe housing |
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Child care |