POWER & CONTROL (DESTRUCTIVE)	EQUALITY (CONSTRUCTIVE)
Using Coercion and Threats ¨ Making and/or carrying out threats to do    something to hurt ¨ Threatening to leave her, to commit suicide,    to report her to welfare ¨ Making her drop charges ¨ Making her do illegal things	Negotiation and Fairness ¨ Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict ¨ Accepting change ¨ Being willing to compromise
Using Intimidation ¨ Making her afraid by using looks, actions,gestures,   smashing things ¨ Destroying her property ¨ Abusing pets ¨ Displaying weapons (such as knives)	Non-threatening Behavior ¨ Talking and acting so that she feels safe and   comfortable expressing herself and doing things
Using Economic Abuse ¨ Preventing her from getting or keeping a job ¨ Making her ask for money ¨ Giving her an allowance ¨ Taking her money ¨ Not letting her know about or have access  to family income	Economic Partnership ¨ Making money decisions together ¨ Making sure both partners benefit from   financial arrangements
Using Emotional Abuse ¨ Putting her down ¨ Making her feel bad about herself – calling her names ¨ Making her think she is crazy ¨ Playing mind games ¨ Humiliating her ¨ Making her feel guilty	Respect ¨ Listening to her non judgmentally ¨ Being emotionally affirming and understanding ¨ Valuing opinion
Using Gender Privilege ¨ Treating her like a servant ¨ Making all the big decisions ¨ Acting like the “master of the house” ¨ Being the one to define male and female roles	Shared Responsibility ¨ Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work ¨ Making family decisions together
Using Isolation ¨ Controlling what she does, who she sees and    talks to, what she reads, where she goes ¨ Limiting her outside involvement ¨ Using jealousy to justify actions	Trust and Support ¨ Supporting her goals in life ¨ Respecting her right to her own feelings,    friends, activities and opinions
Using Children ¨ Making her feel guilty about the children ¨ Using the children to relay messages ¨ Using visitation to harass her ¨ Threatening to take the children away	Responsible Parenting ¨ Sharing parental responsibilities ¨ Being a positive non-violent role model for    the children
Minimizing, Denying and Blaming ¨ Making light of the abuse and not taking her   concerns about it seriously ¨ Saying the abuse didn't happen ¨ Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior ¨ Saying she caused it	Honesty and accountability ¨ Accepting responsibility for self ¨ Acknowledging past use of violence ¨ Admitting being wrong ¨ Communicating openly and truthfully